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Helping your children grow in maturity through discipline...

"I wish that all fathers of households stand forth and practice their role. They will use the rod and not permit their children to go astray. Firmness is needed in your world that is filled with laxity, permissiveness, and degradation.
     "Your children have been misled by many who shall answer to the Father. As teachers they have failed in their role. Therefore, as parents you must succeed in yours.”
- St. Joseph, March 18, 1973

 

The following excepts are taken from Child Training Tips: What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young, by Reb Bradley:

 

What is maturity?

 

     Based on a broad study of the Old Testament and the concentrated study of Proverbs, it is clear that maturity is characterized by 3 elements: self-control, wisdom, and responsibility, which can be defined as follows:

 

 

How is maturity developed?

 

     Maturity is rooted primarily in self-control which, in turn, facilitates growth in wisdom and responsibility.  The most basic objective of training children, therefore, is the subduing of their self-will.  From the time children are born, parents must develop in them the ability to say “NO” to their own desires and “YES” to their parents.  That is why parental control of young children is imperative.  A child who learns to deny his own desires and submit to his parent’s controls, gains inner controls.  Children are born into the world self-centered, and so must be trained from infancy that the world does not revolve around them.  They must learn that life will not always give them their way.

 

     The child whose will is never subdued when young, comes to believe that he should have what he wants, when he wants it, and should not have to endure anything he does not like.  He will grow older thinking he is being deprived whenever he does not get what he wants from life, and by his teen years he will become preoccupied with his “rights” and know little of personal responsibility.  The indulged child is frequently angry because he does not get what he thinks is owed him. Ultimately, he will develop a “victim” mentality—nothing is ever his fault—someone else is always to blame for his misery.

 

     Some parents believe that maturity is an inevitable part of growing up and will happen naturally to all children, whether trained or not. Proper rearing of children, in their view, requires only that a parent love them, take them to church, and try to give them a happy childhood.  To them, maturity is a guaranteed byproduct of getting older, so they do little to help the process, and without realizing it—much to hurt it.  All children, unless calamity occurs, will grow older, but only those groomed toward maturity will attain it.  Hence, as parents, we must work diligently to help our children develop the qualities leading to maturity.

 

What characterizes immaturity?

 

     To further clarify the definition of maturity, we must understand immaturity.  The child whose will is not subdued in the first few years of life is hampered in the maturing process.  No matter how old he gets, a strong self-will ruled by the craving for self-indulgence will be the mark of his immaturity.  Sadly, this self-indulgence characterizes most children today—even in Christian families.  As caring parents it is especially important for us to identify and eliminate that in our child-rearing which feeds the will and fosters self-indulgence in our children.

 

What are the signs of immaturity and self-indulgence?

 

     Self-indulgence is the drive which demands the satisfaction of one’s wants and desires.  Consider the following symptom list.  Do these symptoms generally characterize your children?

 

They are indulged if they lack self control

 

They are indulged if they are self-absorbed

  

They are indulged if they lack wisdom

 

They are indulged if they are irresponsible

 

     Some parents read a list like this and respond with excitement—their children are on the right path!  Others, however, respond with discouragement—they thought their children were heading in a good direction, but now realize they are off course. Parents, do not despair!  Thank the Lord for the timely course correction. Yes, there is work to be done, but effort invested into developing maturity is never wasted.

 

Using the goal of maturity as a basis for parental decisions

 

     To restate our premise—a proper understanding of maturity and immaturity is foundational to effective parenting, for without a clear understanding of the goals of parenting we have no frame of reference for parental decisions.  To evaluate our parenting decisions we need simply determine: What will this activity, organization, or relationship, foster within our children—maturity or immaturity?  It is really that simple.

     The problem is that as modern American parents we have come to believe the misnomer that children will eventually reach maturity by themselves, and little input from us is needed.  Rather than making maturity our primary goal for them, we mistakenly substitute as a goal a happy and fulfilling childhood. Consequently, from the time our children are born, we feed their desire for self-indulgence and accidentally keep them immature.  By the time they reach their teen years they are just like the other “normal” self-involved teenagers whose parents also made a fun childhood their chief goal.  Since so many American parents indulge their children, America is filled with immature, gratification-oriented teenagers.  National researchers and experts, not realizing that teenage rebellion and self-absorption is a phenomena of this century, and unique to only a few affluent nations like ours, have concluded such behavior is a natural and temporary phase of growing up.  Parents expect it and accept it.  Most teens do grow up, but sadly, too few become mature.

     Although most of us as parents love our children, our commitment to their happiness harms them.  Indulged children are unprepared for adulthood.  They have been sent the message that their personal happiness is of supreme importance, so they grow up thinking it is owed them.  They ultimately lack the self-discipline necessary for successful employment, and their self-centeredness will cause strife in their marriages.  Then when their marriages fail, they will not consider it their fault—they will be innocent “victims” of their spouse’s shortcomings. From the time they are young, our children must learn that life is not about fun and entertainment, nor is it about personal happiness and self-gratification. It is about responsibility and serving others.  It is finding joy in honoring God and loving our neighbors.

 

What has life taught us?

 

     Those of us who have lived at least 25 years have learned that life is hard—things don’t always go our way—we don’t always get what we want in life.  Our children must be prepared in their youth for the challenges they will find in life.  They must learn that they cannot have everything they want, and that they can endure well with less than they hoped for.  To mature properly, children must learn while they are still toddlers to obey their parents quickly and without resistance, and to endure hard situations humbly.  With their parents’ help, they can learn as early as possible to die to themselves, preparing them to live for Christ.  Otherwise, as teenagers, they will remain self-consumed, rebellious, and far from God.  May we as parents be faithful to do what is right.

 

How to know it is time to chastise

 

     Any child who knowingly or willfully disobeys is in rebellion and needs chastisement.

 

     Keep in mind that it is not the significant effect of the rebellious action that merits the rod--it is the rebellion itself, i.e., it is not that they woke the baby up when they went into the off-limits room--it is the fact that they entered it in direct disobedience to your word.  It is not the fact that they only took a crumb of cake after they were told not to touch it--it is that they intentionally disobeyed you.

 

CAUTION: Beware of trying to cure rebellion with "creative alternatives."  Any alternative to chastisement is an alternative to Scripture--God offers no better solutions to subduing rebellion outside the Bible.

 

How to identify rebellion

 

A rebellious child is one…

 

  

Rebellion is manifested either actively or passively.

 

Active rebellion

1. Knowingly disobeying—Active Rebellion

 

2. Defiant verbal resistance—Active Rebellion

 

3. Hitting parents—Active Rebellion

 

4. Throwing temper tantrums—Active Rebellion

 

5. Ignoring instructions—Active Rebellion

 

6. Resisting a parent-initiated action—Active Rebellion

 

Passive rebellion

 

     Rebellion which is passive in expression tends to be less conscious and premeditated than active rebellion. It is more of a rebellious reaction than a planned action. Those passively rebellious are often unaware of their defiance, requiring parents to work harder to expose to them their rebellion.

 

1. Consistent forgetfulness—Passive Rebellion

 

2. External obedience with a bad attitude—Passive Rebellion

 

3. Obeying only on own terms—Passive Rebellion

 

4. Doing what is required, but not how it should be done—Passive Rebellion

 

5. Walking away while being spoken to—Passive Rebellion

 

6. Lying to escape discipline—Passive Rebellion

 

7. Violating unspoken, but understood rules—Passive Rebellion

 

Responding to rebellion with threats: the danger of only threatening to spank

 

     Children must learn early on that it is the authority of a parent’s word which they must heed and that spankings will always be merited by willful defiance of that word.  The parent who makes that clear to a young child and then proceeds throughout their childhood to regularly warn of each impending spank, accidentally sends the message that their word is not to be taken seriously.  Their warnings may succeed in curtailing immediate misbehavior, but their child will learn to disrespect their word—and them.

 

     Parents usually offer these warnings because they hope to correct rebellion without resorting to spanking. However, the child who is asserting his will against his parents, is already in need of chastisement. The constant threats and reminders of impending spanks are blatant efforts to persuade a child to cease from misbehavior, and will not subdue the will.

 

THE CLEAR RULE.  Tell a child a few times early in his life that he must be absolutely obedient to your word.  After that, he must be held accountable to abide by all parental commands and should expect the pre-established consequences for violations, without further warnings.  

"Humanism in your world has been created by satan. You will bring back the adages of old of: Spare the rod, and you will spoil the child. Discipline must be returned to the homes." - St. Joachim, July 25, 1973

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Our Lady of the Roses awesome Bayside Prophecies... http://www.tldm.org/../Bayside/   These prophecies came from Jesus, Mary, and the saints to Veronica Lueken at Bayside, NY, from 1968 to 1995.

PSYCHOLOGISTS/PSYCHIATRISTS RATIONALIZING SIN
"Much, My children, you must accept in faith.  Scientists of your world and your psychologists and psychiatrists rationalize everything, until sin is accepted as a way of life--scientists who are ever searching but never coming to the truth!  The supernatural cannot be rejected, because if you reject the supernatural, you do not have the armor to fight it.  It is a crafty plan of satan to make himself unknown, so that he may go among you, and destroying like a ravenous wolf.” – Our Lady, December 7, 1977

 

KEEPERS OF THEIR SOULS
"My children, you will keep a firm foundation of faith in the hearts of your children. You cannot expect others to do this fatherly and motherly obligation. You as mothers and fathers are the keepers for the souls of your children, and as such you are held accountable in the eyes of all Heaven for the fall of your children's souls. You will also as parents battle satan as he seeks to destroy your families. It will be father against son and mother against daughter, division in the homes, as satan becomes stronger in his conquest.” – Our Lady, April 1, 1978 
 

MAJOR MARTYRS
“My children, do not allow the enemies to take from you the knowledge of the existence of Heaven, hell, and purgatory. Your children are the major, now, the major martyrs--and I say martyrs. Be it not for the laxity of the parents, the schools, and many in My Son's Church, many of you parents would not be shedding this evening tears of remorse and grief at the loss of your children, knowing not whether they have been saved or lost forever. I say unto you, from the merciful heart of your Mother: Cry not, mother. The Eternal Father is most pitiful upon you. He has opened His heart to many of your children, not judging them by false leaders." – Our Lady, November 25, 1978 
 

READ BIBLE TO CHILDREN
“You will all keep a constant vigilance of prayer going throughout your country and the world. I admonish all parents now to spend at least fifteen minutes of your day reading the Bible to your children and your family. It is now a command from the Eternal Father! For the little children no longer know or recognize the angel guardians. The little children have no conception of the truth of the Divinity or the existence of My Son. The little children are now being taught the ways of satan.” – Our Lady, November 21, 1977 
 

FIRM FOUNDATION OF FAITH
“My children, you will keep a firm foundation of faith in the hearts of your children.  You cannot expect others to do this fatherly and motherly obligation.  You as mothers and fathers are the keepers for the souls of your children, and as such you are held accountable in the eyes of all Heaven for the fall of your children’s souls.  You will also as parents battle satan as he seeks to destroy your families.” – Our Lady, April 1, 1978 
 

PROGRAMMED TO KILL
“Your children are being programmed to kill! Your children will be unrecognizable if you as parents do not act to stop this evil!
     “Satan has an advantage, My children. He has convinced many that he is not there or around or even exists. He has convinced many that he is a myth. How clever he has been in his operation, My children!” – Our Lady, December 31, 1977 
 

ENCOURAGED BY SCHOOLS, TEACHERS
"Children will continue to rise up against their parents, being encouraged by their schools, their teachers, their news medis, and all the medias that have been well planned to seduce the souls of your children." – Jesus, July 25, 1979 
 

LEFT TO WANDER
“There must be a constant vigilance within the homes. Parents must not be caught up in the cares of their worldly living, in their pursuit of pleasure and entertainment, and leave their children to wander, undisciplined, unguided, and falling into sin and the loss of their souls." – Our Lady, September 7, 1976 
 

SUPERVISE TEACHING
"Parents must have firm discipline in the home. Parents must supervise the teaching of their children." – Our Lady, August 5, 1977
 

VICTIMS OF YOUR LAXITY
“My children, your children, parents, are the victims now of your laxity. They are the victims of their elders. All foul manner of acts are being taught them in their schools, in their secret societies. And why? Because you as parents are too lax in your duty. You flitter to and fro looking for pleasures and gathering the materials of your world. And for what? For I shall soon make them as naught, nothing." – Our Lady, November 1, 1977 

 

Directives from Heaven...  http://www.tldm.org/directives/directives.htm

D16 - Role of Parents PDF Logo PDF
D138 -
Permissiveness  PDF Logo PDF
D167 - The Family - Part 1 PDF Logo PDF
D168 - The Family - Part 2
PDF Logo PDF
D235 - Disciplining children   PDF LogoPDF
D248 - Man's authority  PDF LogoPDF   
D249 - Fathers  PDF LogoPDF   
D250 - Mothers  PDF LogoPDF

Articles...

Spare the rod, spoil the child
http://www.tldm.org/news6/child.discipline.htm

Dr. Laura advises parents to use "swift and terrible" correction for defiant children
http://www.tldm.org/news7/DrLaura2.htm

The dangers of Ritalin
http://www.tldm.org/news6/ritalin.htm

Are you an "escapist" parent?
http://www.tldm.org/news6/parents1.htm

A major source of today's parenting problems is the psychologizing of our culture
http://www.tldm.org/news6/children2.htm

Links...

The war on fathers, WorldNetDaily, October 10, 2006
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=52314

Research shows that fatherhood really matters, Tallahassee.com, April 20, 2002
http://www.tallahassee.com/mld/tallahassee/news/opinion/3100697.htm

Air-brushing dads out of the picture, Carey Roberts, June 8, 2004
http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/roberts/040608

Yes, fathers are essential, Carey Roberts, July 15, 2004
http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/roberts/040615

Turning men into milquetoasts, Chuck Baldwin, April 5, 2005
http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/baldwin/050405

 

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